No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
