all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
