sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize