The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
how drunk are you?
Several
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
