I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she smelled like a LAN party
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
