take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
