I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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