So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
