The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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