Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
