i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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