i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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