I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
