I wish I could teleport
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
