i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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