Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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