he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
