In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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