all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
