Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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