all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
