My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
