i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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