Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
