it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
