Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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