this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
