Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize