Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
