Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
