So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
