u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
