I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My ass is underappreciated
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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