Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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