talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
