Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Floor bacon is actually really good
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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