I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
