now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
