I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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