You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
