I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
