The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
