All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
