Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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