Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
