her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
