So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
