For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
