I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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