It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize