If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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