I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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