why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
