You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
