So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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