oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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