She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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