Fuck appropriateness.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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