did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
