So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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