I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
