1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
should my penis look like a turkey
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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