I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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