It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
