I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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