no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
