hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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