Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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