allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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