dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
