Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize