Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
