You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
