I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
