OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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