Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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