Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
