If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
