they need to just BURY HIM!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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