I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
