I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
