so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
