your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
