Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
kristin has been a bad kristin
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize